sometimes you wake up when I whisper your name

other times you sleep through your alarms

lakevida:

if i was good at oil painting i would never be online i’d just be doing oil painting and drugs and an all-smoothie diet for the sake of convenience. life could be a dream

i lost you but i also feel like i gained my life back, the life i had before you

you did not make me a better person. i have not felt like myself in three years that i was with you

i miss you but i missed my life more

you told me you kept your orange “foreigners please don’t leave us alone with the danes” poster today. you said it is “fucking ruined” and you tried to get a new one. but they don’t sell them anymore. so you kept your old one. you asked me if i also kept mine. of course i did. i asked you why you kept it. you said it just used to be a bloody nice poster. i agree, it really was a nice poster. we both know it is not about a poster.

and well we can’t force people to choose us.

i think when you love something a lot, pieces of it always linger. i am not sober and it doesn’t matter at all because the ache in my chest right now is something i have not felt in a while. i feel like i have this huge hole in the middle of my my soul and no matter how good i feel and how much i fill it with meaningless people and situationships, it just catches me off guards in the middle of a sunny day or a night out with friends and there is not escaping it. i don’t even believe in human soul. yet it just fucking gaps in my core. and yeah maybe the next morning i wake up and forget about it, but it doesn’t change the fact that it is there in moment like these. it simply never leaves. i guess this is the inevitable consequence of loving

everything i have ever let go of has claw marks all over it

you know when my parents got divorced and my dad left, i always felt like i wasn’t enough for him to stay. i never felt it was my mum he left, i felt it was always me. like if he wanted to, he could have easily stayed in my life. It’s stupid. every fucking time i think i’m over it and then i just think about it and it’s like, nope. i’m still sad about it

fucked

me

up

i keep wondering if the circumstances were different could have i been different

20 years today and the mandatory post lacks any sadness today. just 20

the thing is, my ex was cute but not cute enough to be acting like that